


two catgirls in a hammick

by nervousGeek



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Joke Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 22:47:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2086029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nervousGeek/pseuds/nervousGeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meulin and nepeta share an apartment hive, things get crazy when gamzee comes to visit while meulins at work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	two catgirls in a hammick

two catgirls in a hamick

          Nepeta and Meulin were just two cat loving girls living in an apartment. They had everything they could ever want sweaters, hats, shipping charts, cats, tuna, and cats. It seemed liek they were living the dream (the cat dream). So one day Muelin left to go tio her job at the Cat-co, were they sell cats and cat accessories. 

          ":33< Goodbye nepeta I will see you later!" said meulin as she left for her job at the cat-co.

          ":33< Have a mice day meulin!" (which is a cat way for saying nice) meulin of course didn't hear that shit cause she's deaf as hell and was not facing nepeta at the time of her aying this. The cat-co does not care if you're deaf cause they don't discriminate.

nepeta, relieved that meulin was finally gone so she could cup loose and crank up the jams, pounced up and headed for the phone.

            ":33< finally I can get my main homie gamzee up in here" Nepeta exclamied as she diled Gamzee on the troll-phone. ":33< gamzee stop want evefurr it is you are doing and come to my aprartment"

            "BlAzE iT" replied gamzee, because he was already there outside her door ready to party hard, if you know what I mean, I know you do.

             ":33< awh yea" echoed nepeta as she wheeled out a large cart of snacks ":33< are you ready purr this?" she asked while a dubious smirk

            "HeLl YeAh MoThErFuCkEr" gamzee annouced as they both slammed down on the couch

              ":33< I'm so glad you agree to this. Meulin always said no and ran away. This is your last chance to back out, you purrpared?"

             "NaH MoThErFuCkEr I aM aLl KiNdS oF rEaDy LeTs GeT tHiS sHoW oN tHe RoAd HoNk HoNk 420" gamzee enuciated 

 

Nepeta slid her hand .....onto the remote, and turned on troll-netflix. No other troll had been able to withstand the full frontal force of a 48 hours "troll-sex in the city" marathon. Gamzee was a _true friend._

 

But then the door suddenly opened, and Meulin (back from her 48 hour shift at cat-co) came busting in! There was nepeta and gamzee, pasted out from all the troll-netflix continous watching with no showers or nothing.

             ":33< NPETA" she vocalized ":33<WAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR APARTMENT WITH GAMZEE AND WITH TROLL-SEX IN THE CITY???" meulin screeched excusitorily 

         ":33< I AM A BIG CAT NOW MEULIN YOU ARE NOT MY HUMAN MOTHER" nepeta retorted "IF I WANNA WATCH TROLL-NETFLICKS IW ILLL" meulin was very cat-angery ad floofed up her tail.

                ":33< I'LL JUST CANCEL THE SUBSCRIPURRRTION" meulin hissd

          ":33< NO!" nepeta growled and slapped meulin, it killed her. ":33< oh KITTY LITTER" she bemoaned over meulins dead visig. she must have been weakedn by her 48 hour shift at cat-co. She turnt to gamzee ":33< Gamzee quick whadda we do meow???"

            "BlAzE iT 420" gamzee remarked

           ":33< gamzee purrlse, thats exCATly what the troll-cops will be troll-expecting us to do!" nepeta stroked her chin as she puurondered how to cover up this mild crime and get back to the troll-netflix. Then she had a greta idea! ":33< I've got it!" nepeta propt meulins still dead self up onto the couch and placed a kawaii pair of cat shaped shades on her face. ":33< the purrrrfect crime" she voiced.

           "420?" Gamzee asked in genuine confusion

            ":33< Exactly!" nepeta purred ":33< meulin doesnt usually wear shades so everyone will not want to point them out purr fear of embarrassing her! No one will know she's actually 100 purrcent, totpuuuurly dead! with no chance of pouncing back to life evfuurr!" because as everyone knows cat-trolls, unlike reality-cats do not have 9 lifes, but instead have like 3 lifes. Meulin had already been offed twice due to her tendancy to wonder through troll-constrution sites ina distracted state not completely unlike troll-tom and jerry.

             "BlAzE iT?" gamzee conjectured

            ":33< hmmmmm, you're right.....the cat-co might realize she's missing" nepeta looked around the apartment for ideas, then she saw the troll-phone ":33< I've got it, _again_! " she meowed. Nepeta picked up the troll-phone and quickly dialed the cat-co boss whom they had on speed dial for personal reaons. ":33 < yes hello this is nepeta meulins hive mate and I am calling to say she is quiting her job furrever.....oh um, why? uuuuh one meowment" nepeta turnt to gamzee ":33< quick! if you wre meulin why would you quit your job??"

            "NoW NePeTa DoN't YoU tHiNk ThIs Is AlL gEtTiNg A lItTlE bIt OuT oF hAnD? I mEaN mEuLiN bE lEtTiN yOu lIvE hErE fOr FrEe, GiViNg YoU tRoLl-NeTfLiX aNd FoOd. AlL sHe AsKeD WaS tHaT yOu NoT wAtCh TrOlL-sEx In ThE cItY. DoN't YoU ThInK ShE dEsErVeS BeTtEr tHaN ThIs? ShE wAs LiKe YoUr HuMaN sIbLiNg Or SoMeThInG." gamzee uttered in a near indestinguishable way, honestly who ever knows what this guy is saying certainly not you.

              ":33< ....riiiiiiiight, anyway...." nepeta cleared her throat and once again spoke to the cat-co boss and CEO ":33< meulin told me to tell you that your cat accesories are severely lacking and you smell....and its not a good smell......its a smell like crusty troll-peanut butter." the boss and CEO of cat-co sounds displeased but insists on talking to meulin so thinking quickly nepeta exclaimes ":33< meulin doesnt want to talk to you you smell, and.......and......she said your lusus is weird and stupid. tru fax." the boss and CEO of the renown chain of cat-co's erupted and in rage and announced that meulin didnt have to quit she was FIRED.

Nepeta hung up the troll-phone finally there was nothing between her and a 74 hour marathon of "troll-orange is the new fushia". Well almost nothing anyway. She could see that gamzee was preparing to leave! 

    ":33< hey wait! where are you going?" she gasped

      "mAaAaAaAaAn mOtHeRfUcKiN BlAzE iT 420 DrUg ReFeReNcE" gazmee articulated

    ":33< but but! We're not not dooone!" nepeta sputtered ina panic ":33< you still have to see troll-orange is the new fushia, and troll-doctor where, and troll-superobvious!" nepeta could feel purrself becoming angryier and angrier. Her skin flashed olive and her muscle bulged.

she became troll-the hulk, and destroyed everything. literally all the things. forcing the world to bend to her power and watch all of her shows. ALL OF THEM.

the end.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fan-fic for a "worst fan-fic contest" and I totally won fyi


End file.
